When you are faced everyday with a chronic illness, it is easy to find your life suddenly defined by the things you can’t do which is why its why its all the more important to remember to find things you can do.

It can be little things you still can take pleasure in.  For me it is things scrapbooking, writing this blog, reading a good book.  But sometimes you have to dream big and push yourself.  Sometimes you have to WRITE a good book.

There are a lot of things I really can’t do.  So many things I gave up due to my illnesses.  I no longer can go hiking or play tennis.  I can’t even go out in the sun much due to sun sensitivity.  Before I got sick I dreamed of being a filmmaker and was attending University of Southern California’s film school in pursuit of that dream.  Sadly illness and the financial hardship that often comes with made me a college drop out.  I used to love acting and community theater… another passion I’ve had to let fall by the wayside.

But it hasn’t been all giving things up.  My illness has made me push myself to find new ways to stimulate, entertain, and express myself.  I discovered my passion for scrapbooking and other crafts.  With nothing to do but sit at my computer all day long, I learned I had a knack for the technical .  Now I can build websites and social networks from bed.  I got involved in alternate reality games as a player and later as a game designer.  Through these games I found an online community of the most supportive, caring, and talented people I know who I feel fortunate to call my friends.  Friends that have accepted me illness and all.  I started writing this blog and rediscovered my passion for writing.

Which is why next month I am going to push myself once more.  Next month is National Novel Writing Month, and I have signed myself up for the second year in a row.  And along with the other participants, I am going to try and write an entire novel in a month.

It is scary to announce this here on this blog because now I am in a way accountable to someone other than myself.  But I think that will be a good thing as last year I barely managed to write 1000 words.  Last year, I was fresh out of a 6 week hospitalization, but my novel succumbed to the pain and the fatigue and the brain fog.  I am worried that I won’t be able to concentrate this year.  That the pain will be too distracting.  That I’ll be too tired.  But then I remember all the things I have already given up and all the things I have gained since this illness began and decide that if I give up trying and I give up the DREAM then I have already lost.

If I don’t end up writing a novel in a month, so be it.  Frankly I would be happy to make a big dent in a rough draft.  Even that would be a huge accomplishment for anyone.  But I’m dreaming big, so I’m going for the whole thing.

During the month of November, I invite you to track my word count as I write on my NaNoWriMo page.  I invite you to cheer me on, or even join me!  If writing a whole novel in a month isn’t you’re thing, I hope you’ll think about the things you’ve given up along the way due to your own pain (physical or otherwise) and all the things you’ve gained along you’re own journey, and still remember how to dream big.