My kidney infection has triggered a flare of my Autoimmune Pancreatitis. I’ve completely lost my appetite and am having severe upper abdominal pain that bores through to my back. Luckily I am at the hospital with all my specialists including my Pancreatic specialist. In terms of treatment, my doctors are really afraid to give me more Prednisone (a steroid) while I am still fighting this infection. Plus they don’t want to undo my progress in tapering the Prednisone. So the treatment is to keep me completely off anything by mouth – no food or even water – for several days until this hopefully calms itself down again.
So they are keeping me here through the weekend, and I get to practice being patient.
I am plain tired of it all though. I am tired of being in the hospital so often that it becomes so commonplace to my family that they hardly bat an eye. I am tired of having IVs and PICC lines hanging out of my arm and being covered with bruises from botched attempts at them. I am tired of being woken up in the middle of the night to get my vitals checked. I’m tired of all the medications and the side effects. (A new fun one from the IV antibiotic is blurred vision.) I’m tired of being bored and lonely and alone in the hospital. I am tired of being so tired.
I wrote a poem just now:
In The Hospital
In the hospital
Knowing only pain
Poked and prodded
Woken in the night
Woken in to a nightmare
But this is no nightmare
This is my life
So I search
For a beacon of hope
For a way to get through
And make this trial a tool
To grow and evolve
Past the loneliness
And past the pain
Poking and prodding
My soul into change
Though I dream
And I hope
I cannot wait
So one day at a time
In the hospital
On the upside, I get to take a shower tomorrow. A REAL shower!!! I can’t explain how much I’m looking forward to that!
Also my church has been amazing! They’ve been calling and texting and most importantly visiting me. It’s been awesome to have such a source of support for the first time in my life! Their visits have broken up the monotony and made it so much easier to be patient.
And patient I must be – a novelly patient patient.
Tags: Antibiotic, appetite, attempts, autoimmune, autoimmune pancreatitis, blog, bruises, Church, doctor, Doctors, ER, Facilities, family, flare, flickr, health, hope, hospital, infection, ivs, Kidney, kidney infection, life, Medication, medications, Medicine, nightmare, novel, one day at a time, pain, patience, patient, Peripherally, picc lines, place, poem, Prednisone, severe upper abdominal pain, specialist, steroid, title, treatment, upper abdominal pain, vitals, week
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