Happy February 14th!

February14

Happy Singles Awareness Day (♥♥♥♥♥♥ Mixtape Playlist ♥♥♥♥♥♥)

Single Awareness Day (also known as Valentine’s Day) is upon us!  Relationships (or the lack there of) are on the mind.  Relationships are hard.  Romantic relationships are harder.  Even for healthy people.  Having a chronic illness makes it that much more complicated.  It’s hard not to feel undesirable… broken.  I know the “right guy” will love me anyway.  I know the “right guy” won’t care that I’m 150 pounds overweight from being on Prednisone.  I know the “right guy” won’t mind carting my wheelchair or walker around on dates.  I know the “right guy” will love me for the walking pharmacy, allergy ridden, health disaster that I am.  And I have faith that the “right guy” is out there somewhere.  But until then I’ve written this song in honor of today…

Other Girls
by Lauren Soffer

Maybe now I’m just jaded
Maybe my hope has just faded
So I just swallow my pride
Always a bridesmaid never a bride
Never get roses never get pearls
Love songs are for other girls

No one to hold my hand
No matching footprints in the sand
No dinners in candlelight
No little love notes to write
Never get roses never get pearls
Love songs are for other girls

No chocolate candy hearts
No Romeo to play the part
No one to give me a good night kiss
No one to love and cherish hold and miss
Never get roses never get pearls
Love songs are for other girls

But don’t you get me wrong
Trade anything to sing a different song

Maybe now I’m just jaded
Maybe my hope has just faded
So I just swallow my pride
Always a bridesmaid never a bride
Never get roses never get pearls
Love songs are for other girls

Never get roses never get pearls
Love songs are for other girls

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3 Comments to

“Happy February 14th!”

  1. On February 14th, 2011 at 12:23 pm Alison Says:

    When you keep putting "right guy" in parenthesis you sound like you don't believe it…which is understandable but unnecessary. Guys like that are out there. Guys who love to be helpful and feel needed. In the mean time though don't forget to enjoy all the good things about being single. Even while sick.

    Reply to Alison

  2. On February 20th, 2011 at 9:57 am Alex Says:

    You will eventually find someone who loves you for who you are. Everyone has someone for them somewhere.

    Think about it

    Reply to Alex

  3. On October 16th, 2011 at 11:27 am josie Says:

    I drop in on your site once in awhile and often can relate to what you write – especially to this. But now I write this comment from a bit of a new perspective than most.

    When you wrote this post, we were both chronically single… sadly not uncommon for women with disabilities. I have a spinal cord disorder from birth, as well as a few chronic conditions thrown in for good measure. I know that I am a positive, fun, intelligent girl with a sunny disposition, and my friends tell me I’m a “catch…” and to wait. To be patient. I tried, but felt that having a disability meant that I was instantly not part of the eligible dating pool for most guys. I wasn’t holding my breath, lets’ say.

    Now – I’ve been in a relationship with a really fantastic guy for more than six months. I feel like a truly lucky girl, and it happened just like everyone said it would… when I least expected it. T and I had our first date just a week before I had major surgery that required a 6 week stay in the hospital. And he came to visit me every week… The week before I was discharged he took me to dinner and asked if we could be a couple. I was like, “WTF?!? What kind of guy dates a girl in the hospital and then wants to BE A COUPLE!?” It seemed too good to be true.

    I don’t want this to be about me being smug, because I still feel like this is all a bit too good to be true. But I have realized so much about myself in the months we’ve been dating.
    - churches aren’t always helpful in terms of meeting people. I found that being an evangelical Christian stuck me squarely in a population of young people looking to find spouses, where it wasn’t really acceptable for the girls to ask the boys, but the boys weren’t motivated to date, and didn’t consider me as anything more than a “little sister.” I learned to look more broadly for relationships, while keeping in mind what I was looking for in a mate.
    - Lighten up! Churches also put so much seriousness and pressure on dating or courting, that can kill a new relationship. I learned to take things less seriously and get to know someone before assuming anything.
    - Don’t limit myself before I’ve even gotten out there. After some really discouraging attempts at online dating, I had pretty much written men off, thinking that it would be too difficult to get this visually-oriented species to be attracted to my short, round and gimpy stature. It didn’t even occur to me that some men (I’m told men over 30 in particular) prefer more normal or curvy body types.
    - Remember that there are people like you out there. I had always resisted the idea of looking for love among the wheelchair-using community. It seemed like I’d be settling for the stereotype everyone else had of people with disabilities – that they can only find love among “their own kind.” But in thinking this way I forgot that people with all kinds of experiences with health conditions may have a more open perspective toward me and my conditions, not just people in wheelchairs. And just because someone didn’t have my disability doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be understanding… they are just more rare.
    - In the end, after I started dating T I realized how low my confidence had sunk after being single til the age of 31. I’d dated in high school but all other attempts had fallen flat, and my dating skils were sadly out of practice. I didn’t truly believe T was even interested in me until he came right out and asked if I was interested in him! I learned that this lack of confidence can prevent you from seeing the signals you are being sent by the opposite sex… and I wonder how many signals I missed over the years because of this.
    - God forbid, even if it doesn’t work out with T, I’ll remember this – is that love can and does happen, unexpectedly. It is not impossible, and there are infinitely more people available than we can even imagine… that writing ourselves off effectively makes the decision for your potential suitors. :)

    Reply to josie

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