Dreaming of Sleep

February25

Childhood DreamsI’ve gone through periods of being a truly epic sleeper, but lately I’ve been having trouble getting a good night’s sleep.  Insomnia is a funny thing.  I have trouble getting myself to want to go to bed in the first place.  Then I wake every few hours once I do go to sleep.  All in all I’m only getting four to five hours a night most nights.  It’s gotten to be rather frustrating not to mention exhausting.  And it’s not good for my various chronic illnesses to get so little sleep.

Part of it is stress, my OCD and anxiety, fear of nightmares, and  some of my medications which are know to cause insomnia as a side effect (I’m looking at you Prednisone).  But part of it is also that I think I’m afraid of missing out on stuff I could or feel I should be doing.  As a result I have a hard time even wanting to try to initiate sleep.  I don’t know what to do about it.  None of the usual insomnia tricks work when you are avoiding sleep in the first place.

I’m frustrated with myself I guess.  I know I’m only sabotaging myself, but I can’t figure out how to stop.  Sigh.

Thinking of all this reminds me of a poem I once wrote one night several years ago when I just couldn’t sleep.  I’ll leave you with it and try to get some shut eye myself.

Night Game
By Lauren Soffer

When my thoughts go onto paper
And they can finally leave my head
With my worries just a vapor
I can finally go to bed

Tucked snugly amongst the covers
My eyes welcome in the dark
Yet consciousness still hovers
And Sleep canʼt make her mark

So Sleep and Thought begin
As the night slips into day
A game that Sleep will win
For she must have her way

With a loverʼs sweet caresses
Sleep slowly works her charm
Untying all Thoughtʼs messes
So he can do himself no harm

With Sleep holding on so tightly
To Thought closely at her side
The peace that I crave nightly
Is finally serving as my guide

Sleeping Sheep Family

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2 Comments to

“Dreaming of Sleep”

  1. On February 26th, 2011 at 8:35 am Spoon Says:

    You're not sabotaging yourself. You have a natural response that you have no control over. It's not like you put on a shock collar to stop yourself from getting sleep. Getting too frustrated over it just acerbates the process.

    Reply to Spoon

  2. On October 13th, 2011 at 11:01 am Sharon Says:

    I so know how you feel. I'm exactly like that myself, I only get a few hours of sleep each night and I try to take naps during the day and that turns out to be a total waste most of the time. I've told my husband several times that I think I keep myself from going to sleep because I am afraid I AM gonna wake up the next morning. Like yourself, I have various chronic illnesses and I have trouble coping with the depression that comes along with that, And the pain- of course… pain… hummm…. I know when I wake in the morning that I am gonna start all over what I went through the previous days and the thought of it all… well, the thought of it all… I guess I have said enough. I do hope you have a few good days here and there…

    Reply to Sharon

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