I’ve gone through periods of being a truly epic sleeper, but lately I’ve been having trouble getting a good night’s sleep. Insomnia is a funny thing. I have trouble getting myself to want to go to bed in the first place. Then I wake every few hours once I do go to sleep. All in all I’m only getting four to five hours a night most nights. It’s gotten to be rather frustrating not to mention exhausting. And it’s not good for my various chronic illnesses to get so little sleep.
Part of it is stress, my OCD and anxiety, fear of nightmares, and some of my medications which are know to cause insomnia as a side effect (I’m looking at you Prednisone). But part of it is also that I think I’m afraid of missing out on stuff I could or feel I should be doing. As a result I have a hard time even wanting to try to initiate sleep. I don’t know what to do about it. None of the usual insomnia tricks work when you are avoiding sleep in the first place.
I’m frustrated with myself I guess. I know I’m only sabotaging myself, but I can’t figure out how to stop. Sigh.
Thinking of all this reminds me of a poem I once wrote one night several years ago when I just couldn’t sleep. I’ll leave you with it and try to get some shut eye myself.
By Lauren Soffer
When my thoughts go onto paper
And they can finally leave my head
With my worries just a vapor
I can finally go to bed
Tucked snugly amongst the covers
My eyes welcome in the dark
Yet consciousness still hovers
And Sleep canʼt make her mark
So Sleep and Thought begin
As the night slips into day
A game that Sleep will win
For she must have her way
With a loverʼs sweet caresses
Sleep slowly works her charm
Untying all Thoughtʼs messes
So he can do himself no harm
With Sleep holding on so tightly
To Thought closely at her side
The peace that I crave nightly
Is finally serving as my guide
Tags: anxiety, cause, Chronic, Chronic Illness, chronic illnesses, Conditions and Diseases, consciousness, Fear, funny thing, game, hard time, Human Interest, illness, insomnia, Lauren Soffer, Medication, medications, messes, mind, night game, nightmare, nightmares, OCD, peace, place, poem, Prednisone, sleep, Sleep disorder, soffer, stress, thought, worries
- Myasthenia Gravis: A New Diagnosis Knocks Me From My Path When you are living with multiple chronic illnesses things can quickly spiral out of control. ...
- Patience in the Hospital Though I am a Novel Patient, patience isn’t my strong suit. But patience is what...
- My Illness By The Numbers Image by Stewf via Flickr 17 The number of diagnoses I’ve accumulated so far… Sjogren’s...
- Happy February 14th! Single Awareness Day (also known as Valentine’s Day) is upon us! Relationships (or the lack...
- Love Bug Relationships are complicated enough, but adding chronic illnesses into the mix increases complications exponentially. In...